Skies, Subways and Sketches

When the sky looks blue, look up and smile.
You can only be in one place for so long.

I feel at peace in the morning - when it’s quiet and no one’s around. The silence soothes my ears like a sunset soothes my eyes. I can imagine and craft stories without interruption because, well, you know, that’s what I always do. I like to be in tune with time, by myself. It kind of makes life a little bit easier, easy like Sunday morning that is ;). I mean, my trip is an hour each day, so that’s ample time to reflect and revise, listen and learn. What do I even say to myself? Nothing. I don’t need to. I dream it out and draw it in my psyche (if that makes even the slightest sense). When I’m in tune, everything else is tuned out – the coughs, the announcements, the loud racket of the subway, the traffic of people, the breathing, the smell of warm coffee and stink…the coughs. I’m focused on the movement. Maybe that’s what I reflect on. I listen to myself that way. I can never be too sure though, ‘cause my mind is that wild. But, I never like being in one place for an extended amount of time. I feel useless when that happens. What’s the point of taking a step if you’re not going anywhere? Things can simply be without expectations, but that can’t be stagnant…right? Whenever I do something, I want it to be a move somewhere, even if I don’t know where somewhere is or how I’m going to get there. Man, why am I even typing this? I need to get back into the groove of things…No wait, I think the grown-up in me has made its grand entrance. Yeah, I know. I said S.D.M too =).

The Sessions.

It was like a long slow drag of a shabby cancer stick. Summer, pfft. As it comes to a crummy end, a new beginning ascends from the earth – something so vile and vicious enough to swallow you whole. It’s a crook of time and an aid of monstrous madness, SNEAKING up on you when you least expect it. This phenomenon is taking its first breaths and its first sly steps towards your psychological DOOM as we have words. It’s daunting. It’s devilish. And it’dangerous.

But I’m a risk taker.

I’m awfully ready and eager to take on this draining yet career-building experience, SCHOOL. I love school, by the way. It’s back, bitches! Can you believe it? A year older, a year wiser, a year so changed I am. For once, I’m seeing myself grow and go forward, come into my being. I usually see that in other people I know very well very often; some younger, some older. But to see it in myself is mind-boggling because…well… I’m a still-standing question mark. According to me, I’ve been the same all my life: knowingly unknown. I don’t have answers. I’m an unsolved mystery, for now, searching for clues that will lead me to a solution, forever.

How do I allow folks to understand me? I should leap out of my skin sometime. Maybe then, they’ll get me. I don’t know, I’m still learning. But it’s not essentially their fault. I hide behind the shadows of laughter and long stories, by choice, mostly out of subconscious terror. I guess I just doubt people by my own design. My bad. Hopefully, university can lend a hand in my own discovery walk towards a more optimistic me and a less introverted me.