what can i say? i'm an eccentric woman.

got more soul

than a sock

with a hole.

Friday, December 25, 2009

A Sugary Memory

I thought about you today. I was sitting in my room with my feet up, staring at the thorny looking white wall above me.
Wonder was running miles in my mind for a while…
We used to be friends. We were cool for a minute, walking through the same hallways and meeting the same people. Sometimes I’d pass you in one of those hallways while you were passing me, slowing down my pace as you inched closer to my being. You forever made me nervous. I couldn’t look into your eyes for a long time. My hands were always clammy when I saw you, even from afar. Whatever were to happen, I just hoped you wouldn’t shake my hand. When I did see you, we always exchanged those smiles, those elusive smiles, you and me. But the hugs were always obvious story-tellers. I thought you were unlike the people surrounding me or you. You were different, mysterious, and had the eyes to match. So…I never knew how to read you.
I remember how we always used to go the same way from school, east towards another sunrise. You’d tell me things, I’d tell you things – sweet things, funny things, weird things, cool things. We didn’t say much to each other outside of those things, though. I was quiet and you were lively. But we still kind of matched.
Later in the year though, I found something out. I became apprehensive about even talking to you because of this something. It wasn’t a bad thing. It wasn’t a cruel thing. It was just one of those complication things. It changed things between us, you and I. I knew what it was, but you didn’t. I wanted to say something. I wanted to tell you how I felt. I wanted to let you know. But I didn’t. We drifted apart from there. I went right and you went left. Those smiles became straight faces and quick sharp glances. I looked down to avoid you. You looked over me. It was like amnesia slowly came to town. I lost sight of who you were, and that was my fault.
I forgot about you for a while, but I’d see you again. I’d see you again very often. No words were exchanged, only glimpses. I wanted to start over in a way, but I didn’t know how. It had been years since the last time I saw you. What do I say? I don’t know. Not too long ago I was looking for a room somewhere on the second floor, and you were right there, walking in front of me with someone else. I didn’t notice until I turned around on instinct. My hands weren’t clammy.
So I thought about you today. I thought about what could’ve been. I’m that kind of person. I wondered what we would be like if we still talked, if we were still friends. I don’t know, but I’ll wonder sometimes, like I did today.

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