My brain…is way too active for my own good. I lose sleep because of this mind control. I’m always thinking, thinking, thinking. People, places, things, verbs, nouns, keyboards, music, CDS, MP3s, speakers, boxes, Andre 3000, haters, Gatorade, basketball, Raptors…My mind just doesn’t sleep. Feeds off ill imagination. Stories are its favourite.

Look at the time: 4:34 AM. And I’m still awake.

Should you know?

I was just looking outside the window.

The snow was flowing, falling, flying in the frosty air. It kinda just made its bed across the night city, getting ready to fall asleep ever so silently. Made me wonder.

I’m a very private person. I’m not much of a talker either, as loud as I may be. I don’t really like to share. I’ve never been one to. I’ve stuck to myself since I was a kid. It’s hard for me to show my cards. Maybe I’m selfish with myself. Introvert? I guess. I have this notion in me that people…they wouldn’t understand me if I told them anything. They wouldn’t get me. So naturally, trust and chances are issues with me. People tend to get FBI on you when they find out that one intriguing detail about you that just sparks interest in their minds. I’m very fearful of that. Not that I have too many secrets locked away, but I…I don’t know, it’s just so damn personal. I hate that I’m like this sometimes. But still, I like to keep my inner thoughts and feelings to my inner me…they’re all mine, dammit. I can just be me when I'm alone, unbothered and uninterrupted. Being in my room, alone in the outer space of four walls where my imagination can run untamed and my introspection can thrive feels like something I can’t describe... I'm guessing that's a problem. No one really knows what’s happening with me. But that’s my fault, right? I’ve become a sly fox, always carrying a plan in my left hand. I've got my tactics. I'm a careful chooser of words - over your head, under your nose and around your ears they travel. Sometimes in your face. You just have to pay attention.

I guess what I'm tryna say is...

I don't really know how to change.

...

Ahh, you wouldn’t get it anyway.

Intro-speckt// (Still searching)

Hey. Been almost a month since I’ve updated. My bad for that. Just finished my first semester of school…Yep, I can’t believe it either; time flies doesn’t it lol. Anywhoos…this is a little song I just wrote; kind of a free write. I was listening to Eric Benet’s exquisite song “Chocolate Legs” and I kinda got inspired in the weirdest way. The album is fire btw; I’m hoping I get it for Christmas.
Is the song unfinished? No clue. Y’all should know by now things just don’t make any damn sense with me until I give them a little bit of thought, haha. I’m a “let it flow” type of writer. But check it anyway.

Intro-speckt (Still Searching)

I’m still searching
For a melody, for a song
For the keeper of the keys to my shattered, lonely heart

I’m still searching
For that little smile on my face
For the sunshine to bring me happinessthat my memory can’t erase

The days keep getting longer with every kiss of night
I feel like a stranger to my life sometimes
These walls keep getting taller,
I can’t seem to break them down
How do I set myself free when there’s no one around?

I’m still searching
for that lovely summer day
For the strength in me to wash the troubles away

I’m still searching
For the woman that is I
To find the peace in me
That’s just slowly passing me by…